Saving our selves from our self!

HI folks!

 The yuletide season is back again and jolly as the season maybe some of us are already working on our New Year resolutions. Did I just catch you make that face? The one that says, ’I have been there, done that’... [lol].

Honestly, my take on New Year resolutions has been the same for the past four years

We never keep them!

 In the next few days after promising to change this or stop that, we find our selves towing the same line...old habits die hard, so what’s the point?

 Instead I consciously make efforts to work towards achieving personal growth by striving to become more tolerant, loving and in control. I believe that once I master this act, I’d be a better person, my life will run smoothly, and I can claim to have achieved  a perfect, happy existence and friends I’m at it every day like clock work.

Coming to brass tracks, I am a firm believer in the belief that there are three sides to every individual

[1]The person people think they know: usually this can be colored by events, circumstances and conditions through which these individuals got to know you.

[2]How you see yourself: oftentimes colored by individual sense of self worth. Childhood upbringing/experiences and personal /social achievements, etcetera.

[3] Who really you are: That part of you that is concealed from your social circle yet has control of your actions and general perception to life. For some of us it constantly peeks over our shoulders to remind us of what we naturally are inclined to do, and when it shows itself in a sudden show of impulsive out burst, intense sadness, shyness, or rage, we shamefacedly try to ignore it or better still make excuses like ‘’I have been kind of stressed out this week or we say the usual ‘’that wasn't really me!’’Come to think of it, pretending it isn't there is a major pain in the knee for some of us because it sometimes causes strain in our public lives!

Realizing I could be a modern day Jekyll and Hyde wasn't easy on my psyche and I hated it intensely for the many apologies I had to mouth at being wired that way. My school/work friends could almost be certain I wasn't the girl they were introduced to at that party last week! But what’s a girl to do when the question -‘‘who am I?’’ remains unresolved.

 So, in a bid to resolve my inner conflicts, I stifled  my inner insecurities and years down the line, graduated from the University with the closest answer to that question being Descant’s philosophical quote-‘’I THINK THEREFORE I EXIST’’ [lol]

So welcome today to ‘shy spoken word’ as yours truly, shares with you two of my character inconsistencies: just may be this might earn me the right to claim that pot of gold, hidden beneath the earth at the end of the rainbow.

·        Gregarious  versus  Shyness: 

‘’painfully shy...very quiet...not sociable, marred my report cards from  Junior nursery to my first year in senior secondary school, my Mom used to be so upset, so I decided  to be sociable and earned my mark by being elected social prefect at the start of my final year in secondary school. My parent and siblings still wonder how I got there.

Once graduated from university, my first job was in marketing; on getting home I complained to my family, I had expected I’d be employed as a personal assistant to the managing director. My younger sister had exclaimed ‘oh no! Your recruiters got you all wrong’. Well I consciously sought to disprove that fallacy and at the end of one year, I only gave up that job because it was a strain on my person. My favourite job still remains research! And I mean the sought done by poking endlessly through books, sifting through websites or call centres.

 I once told a friend of mine that had I a choice of a dream wedding, Id be married at 6 am mass,( in the company of select family and friends) and be done with it. At least it will save me the inconvenience of dealing with the usual fanfare wedding favoured by family and my in-laws. I don’t think she believed me one bit!

Recalling the night before the D-day still makes me laugh, I had visions of me playing a real life version of ‘’the run away bride’’ (remember the Richard Gere and Julia Roberts version?).Only the eldest of my younger brother knew this and he talked me through it in the early hours of the morning.

Come the next day I walked down that aisle and almost started frowning the very instant we were out of church, had my mom not stationed my aunts around the hall to be smiler reminders, my wedding pictures would have been ruined for life!

The truth is I don’t like parties that much, I hate organizing them (in comes the planner, if it’s a must) and I see no point in most public functions. I usually have to work my self into an acceptable frame of mind to attend the ones I get invited to(especially if its a loved one/close friend) yet am so scared of being called a bore and worried friends would find my mood swings incomprehensible.

So if any one sees me digging those latest dance moves at your end of the year party [lol because I soooo... love to dance!] it’s because I am in the mood to and that doesn't happen often.

·        Emotional neutrality versus Intense emotions

‘’J, learn to take a joke for heavens sake’’, yelled my brother in utter frustration. He was the mimic of the house hold and I often found his jibes cruelly hard but they were what they were-simply jokes!

The plan truth was this-I have intense emotions. I feel words/actions really deep. I have intense reactions too. I could cry for love of a beautiful sunset or the depth of another’s words.

Try as I wish to change this, I never succeed because no matter how neutral I set out to build my emotions, am naturally wired that way. Stifling my feelings often seem the only way out because I was worried that my intense emotions may scare others away as I am often in constant judgment of it.

So today, I throw a challenge at the girl I see in the mirror: hence forth, she is to create the space to embrace and accept those aspects of her self she is not comfortable with. Yet accept that fundamentally she is accountable for her actions and be ready to deal with repercussions that come with genuine acceptance of her selves, while loving her self unconditionally. It is the ultimate act of self love! For how can we truly love others completely, when we've  never  learnt to love our selves? 

A very merry Christmas,

your gist mate,

Shy 

                                                                   WE SALUTE!

( A BRIEF INSIGHT INTO THE HISTORY OF NIGERIA BEFORE THEY CAME)

 WITH THE PASSING OF MANDELA-THE LAST OF HIS KIND

MY THOUGHTS GO OUT IN PRAISES TO ALL UNSUNG HERO’S OF OUR PAST

MY LEFT HAND IS RAISED IN A FISTED PRAISE FOR THEIR ROLES IN OUR TURBULENT PAST

FOR THEIRS WAS A FIGHT FOR FREEDOM FOR THEIR PEOPLE...THAT WE MAY NOT ONLY WALK OUR LAND IN PEACE BUT RAISE OUR HEADS IN PRIDE....

• WE SALUTE YOU, KING JAJA OF OPOBO (JUBO JUBOGHA)(1821–1891) FORCEFULLY ARRESTED TRIED IN ACCRA  IN THE  GOLD COAST (NOW GHANA) AND  EXILED TO SAINT VINCENT IN THE WESR INDIES.IN 1891, JAJA WAS GRANTED PERMISSION TO RETURN TO OPOBO, BUT DIED EN ROUTE, ALLEGEDLY POISONED WITH A CUP OF TEA

• · WE HAIL YOU, CHEIF NANA OLOMU (1852–1916) ) OF THE ITSHERI KINGDOM.DEPORTED FROM THE SHORES OF HIS HOME LAND     OLOMU SURRENDERED IN   LAGOS AFTER HIS ARREST HE WAS DEPORTED TO THE GOLD COAST(GHANA) IN 1894 AND LATER TO THE WEST INDIES

• ·         OBA OVORAWMEN NOGBAISI OF BENIN OF THE GREAT BENIN EMPIRE (RULED 1888–1897), FORCED TO GO INTO EXILE IN TODAY’S CALABAR. WHILE THE BRITISH, STAYED BACK TO STEAL AND LOOT THE ANCIENT CITY’S RICH ART TREASURES WHICH THEY CATERED OFF TO THE UNITED KINGDOM. NIGERIA IS STILL NEGOTIATING THE RETURN OF BENIN’S TREASURES TILL TODAY.

• ·         WE SALUTE THE GREAT EKUMEKU RESISTANCE MOVEMENT UNIQUE IN ANIOMA HISTORY FOR ITS GREAT SOURCE OF NATIONALISM AMONG THE ANIOMA PEOPLE.A RESPECTED ARMY MADE OF THE BEST OF IBO WARRIORS FOR THEIR VARIOUS UPRISINGS (1898, 1902, 1904, 1909, 1911, ETC.).
•      THEY WERE A WELL ORGANISED FORCE WHOSE LEADERS WERE JOINED IN SECRECY OATHS WHO EFFECTIVELY UTILIZED GUERRILLA TACTICS IN ATTACKING THE BRITISH.
•      MEMBERS OF THEIR FORCE, WERE DRAWN FROM THOUSANDS OF ANIOMA YOUTHS (FROM ALL PARTS OF ANIOMA LAND), THEY CAUSED SO MANY PROBLEMS FOR THE BRITISH SO THAT THE BRITISH WERE FORCED TO EMPLOY FORCEFUL TACTICS AND HEAVY ARMAMENTS THUS DESTROYING HOMES, FARMS, AND ROADS  IN A BID TO SUBDUE THE ANIOMA PEOPLE.

• ·         WE SALUTE THE WOMEN OF ABA,WHO TOOK PART IN THE ABA WOMEN’S RIOT OF 1920, WHEN MEN BACKED DOWN,THEY TOUCHED THE FLAMES
• 
  
•      WE SALUTE THE GREAT SULTAN MUHAMMADU ATTAHIRU I (OCTOBER 13^TH 1902-AUGUST 1903)OF THE GREAT SOKOTO CALIPHAT WHO LED HIS ARMY AGAINST THE BRITISH IN WAR UNTIL HE DIED IN BATTLE AT BRUMI NEAR PRESENT DAY BAUCHI IN 1903

·         WE AGAIN SALUTE NELSON MANDELA THE LAST OF HIS KIND.

YOUR GIST MATE,

SHY

Wake up and smell the coffee...

Was it three days ago I last took a bus ride to the city center? Yeah it was!

By God I almost wanted to slap the smirk off this ridiculous boy’s face not only for the nasal way he spoke but the way he delivered his verbal blow to whom ever he was speaking aloud to on phone.

 ‘Oh  Gawd! Are you crying? Look Rachael (he says picking his goatee theatrically and making a public spectacle of his self) I hate it when girls cry when they told the truth? Why do you girls cry? Fine...fine. I will visit our daughter but don’t start thinking you’d get a second chance.’ He murmured before pressing the red button, pocketing his mobile phone and getting off the bus at the next stop.

‘Second chance? It was either Rachael didn't have her head screwed on right, had poor taste in men or the guy was deluded’.

Of the first speculation, I was certain! Jeez, what do you expect from a guy who feels he looks hot gabbed in faded blue jean that would soon be responsible for a grand fall should he miss a step at any point because he hadn't the common sense to acknowledge his waist  is situated just after his torso. As far as that guy was concerned, his waist was where his hips ought to be and if you asked him he looked cool ‘cause he was (what do they call it?) sagging.

By noon, sitting down in the cafeteria, I couldn't help but hear snatches of this fine young man’s animated conversation(fine its not like am going around not minding  my business but people, the ears can’t help but pick on conversations, especially when you are alone !)

‘No, no no! I've been through this so many times; I can no longer stand it. She lashes at me verbally all the time and for nothing...I leave... she apologizes ...I let her back and the circle continues the same old mess! What in God’s name did I do to deserve the way she treats me?’ he asked in a pained voice

At this point it occurred to me that as people, We naturally will never get hurt by just any body, in converse when we are hurt, broken hearted, it is by those who we have opened our hearts to... It seems every body around me have love problems today I thought as I packed my half eaten sandwich and proceeded to class in a hurry, and just before the poor guy noticed I was listening in, on his conversation but you see people this sets the background for our gist today-How do we protect our hearts?, how do we prevent our hearts from going through needless pain and tears, the aftermath of which is often self doubt in most cases.

My gist today is for the broken hearted that expectant trusting heart whose wish will never be fulfilled. This is for that individual curled up like a fist at night, sucking on his or her thumb, your heart in tatters wondering to his or her self-‘where did I go wrong?

I’d tell you where you went wrong!

 You went wrong when you condoled that inferior feeling your partner meted out to you and thought you could change him or her. How on earth do you think you can change a full grown person without his or her consent?

 Has it ever occurred to you that he or she may be so steeped in that habit and is satisfied with living life that way? Pu-leez!

Isn't it clear enough that what you need to do is remove your self from the situation? So these pains would be healed. How on earth do you expect happiness when you have refuse to distance your self from that person who causes you soo much pain, it’s a wonder he or she claims to love you.

Some of us has formed a habit if rehearsing pain, so that we truly forget what we deserve thus sacrificing our self worth on alters of self expectations! I term it ‘self expectation’ because only you seem to see these expectations because of what ‘only’ you feel- your partners never share these visions for them selves because they don’t share your feelings and will never treat you better.

So he compares you to another and calls it candidness, you are always the recipient at the wrong end of the stick, yet you suck it up and keep trying to meet your partners yardstick, that which he/her hasn’t and will never meet. Wake up and smell the coffee Darling, you’d never meet it!

 The heart that is meant to love you will NEVER compare you to another, so why over look this? Continually waiting on the possibility that it will one day be different?

He’s apologized severally and each time it happens again the beatings get worse. He’s even found ways to pin the reason for his actions on you! One by one he sheds you of your acquaintances, close friends and family members. Can’t you see that the reason he doesn’t get along with them at all is that he needs to isolate you so he can do with you what he pleases?

You’ve walked out severally on that partner that’s kept your heart going on an emotional roller coaster, yet you treat that relationship like a set of revolving door you can’t do without.

Do you think that individual never expected you back? Of cause he/she did. The minute you said you were through, they knew you’d be back-apologies and all!

Your walking out never made an impact in the first place-you know why? Because that person knew you’d be back, that’s why. So each time you walked out, they considered it a break. Soon you’d be back for a fix of them! You re conditioned to having them treat you like they do, it’s like it’s a fix, only you don’t know this...Hmmn and you wonder why they cant change.

Change has to start with you ...yes I said with you.

First you’ve got to make up your mind to take that step towards transition! You’ve got to step out of that situation that you swore you’d never go back to and begin to believe you can do better. Hey it doesn’t matter how many years you’ve invested.

You’ve got to base your decision on their actions and stop listening to words. Such individuals have the potential to weave words like webs around you and the fact is that they know it! How many times have you heard old folks say that ‘actions speak louder than words? Take me serious people...it applies here.

You got to learn to let go of how you feel for such persons, stop giving chances to that individual who keeps taking advantage of your forgiveness! Stop searching for reasons, Stop making excuses, building possibilities in your head... Stop praying and asking God to heal those wounds or proffer a solution because deep down you know what it is. He’s already shown you!

Remember, in today’s world we have a duty towards our selves, one of which is to protect our heart.

You’d be hearing from me soonest,

Your gist mate

Shy