In pursuit of emotional happiness
I live a long way from my dotting
Mum but she never fails to call at least once a week. Not to interfere as
others would be led to believe but to make sure I ‘am happy! She always ends
her calls with one of our tribal proverbs -“favour never comes easily to those
who cry often”.
Two years ago, on one of few
visits home I asked her to elucidate on this proverb (well between I and my mom
nowadays such conversations often elicits loads of stories, the bible, tribal
stories and personal philosophies) and I got enriched with knowledge on how
important it was to possess emotional happiness such that life becomes easier
to cope with. In a nut shell being in this state attracts positivity such that
it affects your universe.
”... Money, fame and education can’t bring you
to this state I’ am trying to describe“continued Mum haven’t you noticed that those
who achieve these material enrichment often than not pursue getting more? We city
folks tease country folks because we feel we are materially richer than they
are but I tell you a lot of us will pay through our noses to achieve their
emotional state...how many of them die of high blood pressure and heart attacks
the way we city folks do? ” and what if you involved with the best of men? I
asked (lol) she answered with teasing eyes, “What form of love will you offer
even the best of men when you don’t possess happiness within your heart?
Thinking back I concede this, a
comparison of my life experiences in the west and in Nigeria, tells me enough
not to argue. It is no wonder why the world’s simple people are able to smile
effortlessly compared to their suave, educated and rich counterpart’s. Nowadays
life has become such a complicated affair because we struggle with many pressures.
Sometimes I personally wonder in the rut of it all how manage life became this complicated.
Suddenly, there’s so much to do within a short
time, so many expectations with little or no assistance to reach them and too
many demands with too little resources (darn!) has it occurred to any one that
being a child was much simpler. We only bothered about the bare necessities then-food,
play and sleep (lol).
Well the first step to achieving emotional
happiness is realizing that happiness is relative! So what makes another happy
may not put you in the same state of constant internal euphoria. It is also not
a result of the kind of people we hang out with or the places or events around us
(even if we get some form of joy from this, it is often short lived so that in
our enclosed spaces we suddenly experience a crushing bout of melancholy)
So this year, I have decided to implement some important
steps in my quest to achieve placing my heart in the right place:
1. Drop grievances and resentments.
I was particularly content with the fact that at the beginning of this
year I was given an over due chance to address an issue that caused me so much
grief for over six months. Fact was that I resented the fact that I wasn't told
at the time the issue was fresh because I naturally would have confronted the
tale-teller and its listeners but hey it’s all good I got a chance though
belatedly to confront the issue and that’s- that. By addressing the issue at
hand, I freed my self of other people expectations and judgments . Fact is that’s
too much a burden to carry along with one self through life. Besides the perpetrator doesn't seem to know how much harm he caused.
When an individual holds on to
grievances, he or she constantly re-enacts the past and never fully gets a
chance to enjoy the present.
So people let go!
2. Live in a state of appreciation.
Be grateful for life. Other’s slept through the night and didn't see
the break of dawn. Living in a state of appreciation changes one’s general out
look to life.
Appreciate your looks(and if you don’t like your general appearance, we
live in modern times there’s a lot we can do even if you cant afford plastic
surgery), honor your norms and values, stick to what you know is your truth.
The world accepts
diversity now, so why loose your true self in others? I have never seen the
need to blend into oneness with others because that will be pretense and I wouldn't feel good about my self and being me makes me feel unique.
3. Sought for the best
My brother used to say to me, “when you day dream, make sure it scares
you that way you’d know you re aiming for the very best!”
Translation: don’t be afraid to aim for what you really want! See your
self achieving that feat. Will I be fair to say I scoff at individuals who
actually avoid this because as they say- ‘I do not want to disappoint if it doesn't work out’. (WHAT!)
Every achievement starts with a dream and if plan A doesn't work out
there’s always a plan B.
Which could be ;
·
Better than plan A
·
As good as plan A
·
Or be unknown to you a route
to achieving plan A
Accepting to live life by this
philosophy has assisted on countless occasions to take stock of what’s working
and accept imperfections (which might be a diamond in the rough, most times
unknown to me).That way I ‘am able to take stock of good things when they occur
even little ones.
4. Enrich the lives of others you enrich your own
Those who take out time to enrich others (take volunteer work,
for an example) through contributing to the humanity often feel fulfilled; this
is because they often feel they are a part of something greater than just them.
5. self contentment
Being self content relieves you from the internal pressure of
measuring your self as against others and gives you to space to approach achievements
at your pace. It is healthy to compare your achievements time again with those
of acquaintances and friends but it becomes unhealthy when thought of this
controls your every action. It even takes the fun out of what ever activity you
re involved in.
It also indirectly eliminates the need to blame others for
why you couldn't achieve a certain level of fulfillment whilst in reality; it is
really you that is in charge. The power to get to where you want lies within
you, so stop blaming others! Stop harboring resentment when the
shutters are down.
- Enjoy doing the things you love
I love to read, I love
to write, I love to sing, I love to dance, I love to play rough and I do
release the kid in me when I get the chance. Hell it even mattered to me that
my life partner understood why I should jump on my bed and nod while dancing to
Pink! Even if others feel I’m too old for that. Despite being so busy I try as
much as I can to find time to do these things.
I revel in the simple
things of life. The touch of the sunlight on my bare skin, the wind in my hair,
silly jokes and treasured memories though some of them bring tears to my eyes
and when it does and let loose and have a healthy cry. It’s all part of living.
I take time to self
validate my self and take out time to give my self little treats-a bottle of
wine, a cheap dinner at some local Chinese buffet or a makeover with my make up
box at home.
To me life could be a
party if you wish; it’s all up to you.
