I am Kandake [KAN duh see] 

                                                ’’ Kandake or Kentake ;

                          Also Candace The title for queens and queen mothers

                           Of the ancient African Kingdom of Kush, (also known)

                                              As Nubian and Ethiopia’’

As I got prepared to mount that pulpit, I felt my heart pulsate with rapid abandon. This isn’t unusual; in fact it had become some what of a strength, (an adrenalin rush as I secretly love to call it) one I depend on to prepare me each time I find my self in a position where I am to address a crowd. You see folks; public speaking happens to be one of my biggest phobias but yet I get thrust into circumstances that entail public speaking or singing as the case may be some times.

 Truth is, most people closest to me wouldn't readily accept this claim (my phobia for public speaking), why? Because I've learnt to be courageous about my fears, a long time ago I decided to turn my sea of doubts into a safe haven. So palpitations, sweaty palms instantaneous headaches or not! I face my phobia each time I speak or sing publicly.

Each time I find my self about to mount that stage or about to be thrust into the light, I summon courage from my inner Kandake and above all, I endeavor to look as confident as I ought to, you know as the Americans say-walk the talk.

Courage! One would wonder what this word has got to do with ordinary people, when the issue of courage comes up, we instinctively think it’s a virtue reserved exclusively for Activist, Soldiers and Athletes and the like. In truth, this virtue is so undermined in our daily lives today more so as emphasis now lies with self preservation. There seem to be a ban on being outspoken!

 ‘Go with the flow’... ‘Shhh...Don’t draw attention of the public eye’! Seem to be the latest mantra by which we live. Now am not preaching unnecessary loudness(the sought subscribed to by a ‘notice me or I die’ person but we've got to admit that the side effect of living life this way lies in accepting to play safe always thus subscribing to live re-actively  Instead of standing up to that individual that physically, verbally or emotionally bullies, you chuck your head and device ways to avoid him/her. Instead of walking out of that unhappy relationship, you dream up one or as many reasons to stay-Religion, Tradition, Status, Expectations! In fact you re dying under the weight of which ever reason you've chosen to hide under. Any one out there with a job you hate so much it feels like an imposition to make your way to work each morning? Don’t you think its time to set new goals/aspirations, stop playing by the rules and find a space for something more fulfilling?

What we don’t often want to accept is the desire to face our fears (imagined or real)-the fear of rejection, failure, humiliation, regret, success, water, heights, discomfort, poverty, being ostracized, being expressive, being different, Name it! The list is endless.

 Have you for one minute imagined what life would be, without your fears? Without your having to be conventional and going with the flow all the time-Harnessing the virtue of courage doesn’t necessarily mean you lack fear, it means gaining mastery over our fears, resistance over our worries, saddling up to the fact that there are issues more important than those intrusions. Facing up to the fact that the situation might well involve setting aside what we or others might say and dealing with the circumstances we are or might be in. In a nut shell gaining courage means alienating our cowardice, gaining mastery over our apprehensions and silencing that inner voice that reminds us that we are incapable of achieving that feat! For it all starts with us, our understanding of our capabilities, visions and beliefs-That! Before others begin to voice their opinions, however positive or negative, they might be!

People it is time to realize, that no matter how many talks, books and films we gather around us, concerning building our confidence and heightening our self esteem, it all starts with a little spark of courage! For courage is the spark that build’s self confidence and heightens self esteem in every individual and it can be asserted in varying ways, we may not all be Martin Luther-king, Vernon John, Malcolm X, Asante Shakur, kwame Nkrumah or Nelson Mandela. We may not be able to sing ours as fearlessly as Tupac Amaru- Shakur or fiery tempered like Fela Anipulakpo- Kuti but we may decide to adopt the subtle ways of Bob Marley, Lucky Dube and Miriam Makeba, we may also choose to write like Wole Soyinka’s, pass a life long message like Chinua Achebe or go the maternal ways of Maya Angelou! We could in such ways emulate the famous Bessie Emery Head whose life long achievement is summed up in her most famous words,  for the reason why she writes...‘"I am building a stairway to the stars. I have the authority to take the whole of mankind up there with me. That is why I write." and  if we are not inclined to show courage via speaking, singing or writing then our actions can tell it all, for the popular saying goes ‘actions speaks louder than words’ or is it not so?

So you ask me, how do I respond to this shrill stubborn voice that just won’t be silent when I stand face to face with a situation that just won’t cut the mark?  Or when I have to confront one of my many phobias? I choose not to act reactively; I chose not to sink into despair and act helpless. I say to that voice, Shhh... I am Kandake! (now I do not speak of the Kandake recorded of in the Acts of the Apostle, 8:27).

I speak of Kandake Amanirenas! Certainly, history has done Africans an injustice not mentioning the prowess of this line of women (as much isn’t known about the Black Queens and Kings of Ethiopia). Kandake Amanirenas was so courageous during her reign that despite loosing an eye in a battle against the Romans who invaded the city of Meroe she undauntedly defended Ethiopia against Alexander the great of Macedon (a state in the North of ancient Greece) who was at the time trampling through the ancient world conquering countries.

 He had at that time set his eyes on Ethiopia (a land that exceeded other nations in Gold and wealth) that he wanted it at all cost. Story has it that Kandake Amanirenas gathered her black troops, lined them up and stood atop two African Elephants on a throne and waited for Alexander to show up. Alexander the "great” didn't want to risk a loss so he give up on this battle. Loosing to a woman (known for her deadly military tactics in all her glory and her well armed armies with their latest iron weapons) wasn't a situation he was ready to envisage. So on seeing the black Queen on her Elephants and her black armies, Alexander the "great" halted his armies at the first cataract and turned back into Egypt.

Another version has it that Alexander had a semi private meeting with Kandake Amenirenas, where she informed him to leave Ethiopia immediately or face the defeat of his army, after which she would severe his head and roll it down a hill.  Alexander promptly chose life!

So people how do you deal with situations when you re in dire need of courage?